By Mental Emotions
Sometimes love asks too much, not in effort, but in silence. This poem captures the moment of clarity that comes when “understanding” becomes self-erasure, and choosing oneself becomes the only honest option.
The Poem
I have to understand
That’s what comes with dating you, bound elsewhere.
I must always understand.
Understand that the things I need
in a relationship
are things I will never have here.
There are words I cannot say,
needs I cannot voice,
expectations I must bury.
I have to understand.
After two years, I finally see it clearly:
this relationship limits me.
It cages my love,
keeps me from loving fully
and from being loved fully in return.
The attention I seek in love,
I cannot seek it here.
The conversations I long for,
I must silence them here.
This relationship is a high-constraint one,
wrapped in rules and boundaries
that only I seem to carry.
I imagine getting sick in the middle of the night,
I can’t call you.
If I were hit by a car in your presence,
you wouldn’t take me to the hospital.
By dinner, you’d still need to be home,
as always.
I imagine if I died,
you wouldn’t even come to my funeral.
At first, I didn’t understand.
But now, I do.
This is nothing like the love I hoped for,
nothing like the love I prayed for.
This relationship asks me to compromise my values,
to reshape myself,
to accept red flags
in the name of “understanding.”
It asks me to place my needs last
because you cannot meet them.
To give my all
and receive breadcrumbs.
I thought I could handle it.
But what exactly am I handling?
Is love supposed to be endured?
Am I meant to survive it instead of enjoying it?
Why must I understand?
Why must I accept?
There’s a sea full of fish.
Let me pick up my fishing rod and hooks.
Let me go fishing.
I’m done understanding!
Reflection
This poem marks a turning point, the moment when awareness replaces hope, and self-respect rises above endurance. I Have to Understand is not about bitterness, but about boundaries. It reminds us that love should expand us, not confine us, and that choosing ourselves is sometimes the bravest act of love we can make.
